Infertile Couples Encouraged To Look At Lifestyle

For further information on preconception care, contact Melissa Maimann at Essential Birth Consulting.

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A … study has recommended that infertile couples seek advice about their lifestyle before embarking on IVF treatment or other assisted reproductive technology.

… while most people link obesity, smoking, drugs and stress to infertility problems, many infertile couples fail to look at their own lifestyle as a possible obstacle to conceiving.

… only half of the overweight women in this study considered their own weight to be a risk factor for infertility.

… overweight women are also at risk of pregnancy complications such as miscarriage, gestational diabetes and raised blood pressure.

… The study underlines the importance of good preconception advice and support …

Melissa Maimann, Essential Birth Consulting 0400 418 448

Tags: Babies, IVF, midwife, Midwifery, Midwifery services, Miscarriage, Nutrition, Preconception care

Women’s Experience of Miscarriage

As published on the Essential Baby website http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/pregnancy/womens-experience-of-miscarriage-20081111-5m5v.html?page=-1

• November 11, 2008

 
For further information, contact Melissa Maimann at Essential Birth Consulting.

The experience of miscarriage is often misunderstood by women’s friends, families and the medical community, causing feelings of isolation, frustration and fear.

When Essential Baby asked me to write an article on miscarriage, I found several resources that addressed the medical side of miscarriage, but few resources that explored the emotional issues. In this article, I will not elaborate on the medical issues surrounding miscarriage: whether a woman has a 1% chance of miscarriage or a 50% chance of miscarriage is of little consequence when she has just discovered there is no heart beat. What she really needs in that moment is an empathic ear, validation of her experience, to be listened to and to be treated with compassion.

The emotional experience of miscarriage
Miscarriage can be a frightening and lonely experience. Your loss might have been so sudden that there was no way to prepare for it.  Or you might have suspected for a while that something was wrong. Or you may not have wanted to admit that this pregnancy just felt different to your others.   

Whatever your circumstances, there are many emotions surrounding miscarriage such as disbelief, anger, shock, confusion and a deep sense of loss and grief. These feelings come and go, with different intensities. You have some good days and some bad days.  But whatever your experience, you are not alone!

After a miscarriage, you grieve for a baby you never knew, and for a relationship that will never be. Your baby is a baby from the moment you find out you are pregnant. You grieve for the experiences you will not have – discovering what your baby looks like, what sort of personality she has, or how it feels to cuddle him. As Lia, an Essential Baby member found, “To us, this is a loss of life.  A life that was very much wanted, even if not planned. Women have already developed a bond with their baby, they’ve made plans, got hopes and dreams, just like any other new or expectant [mother].”

Women react differently to the experience of miscarriage. You might accept what has happened and look at it philosophically, or you might feel devastated. You might be feeling numb and be in denial that it has happened. Or you might feel guilty because you were unsure if you wanted to be pregnant, or you had a drink or smoked a cigarette. There is no wrong or right way to grieve.

Physically, you might be constantly tired, yet have difficulty sleeping. Some women cannot eat, while others eat constantly, trying to numb their raging emotions. 

For Nicole, an Essential Baby member, “the breaking point was when I found out it was a girl and that there was no obvious reason for her not making it.” Rebecca feels that “I don’t think that I will ever heal.” Miscarriage is such a profound experience and women deal with it in many different ways. “I just wanted to be pregnant straight away, to take away the pain,” Donna, Essential Baby member.

In contrast, Debra says, “I don’t think I really grieved that much. Perhaps deep down I knew it was going to happen. All my dreams had gone out the window and then I started to think of all the things I did that could have caused the miscarriage. We fell pregnant again… I didn’t feel confident from day one although I tried to tell myself everything was ok. I started bleeding at 6 weeks and knew it was all over again. I was much more upset this time. I cried and cried and cried. The first time it happened, I thought, we can do it again, it’s ok. The second time, I thought, so we can conceive, what if I’m never able to carry full term?”

Women who experience miscarriage and then go on to have pregnancies to full term often experience the pregnancy with disbelief and a lack of attachment to their baby. It wasn’t until about seven months that I admitted to myself I may be having a baby and started enjoying the experience. The innocence of a pregnancy is gone, at least until [you] and are safely past that week [that you lost your baby].

Men and miscarriage
Men and women grieve differently and each person’s emotions can seem foreign to each other. Some feel that their partner does not understand them and this can be hurtful and isolating. For some men, the dominant emotion is powerlessness ‘ they feel powerless to protect their partner and powerless over the events that have taken place. What can happen when someone feels powerless is that they sometimes react with anger and withdrawal.

Lia’s husband felt that the emphasis is placed on the woman, whereas men grieve too: “they were his babies that were gone!” Lia’s husband felt helpless watching her go through that pain. “No-one really acknowledged how badly he was affected.”

Melissa Maimann, Essential Birth Consulting.

Tags: Miscarriage

Advice on Coping with a Miscarriage

As published on the Essential Baby website http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/parenting/pregnancy/advice-on-coping-with-a-miscarriage-20081111-5m73.html?page=-1

 
For further information, contact Melissa Maimann at www.essentialbirthconsulting.com.au

Essential Baby member and midwife Melissa talks to EB members about how they coped with their miscarriage and what advice they can share with others.

Give yourself time
Grief takes time. Especially if it’s combined with anger, confusion and isolation. Give yourself permission to be sad, to grieve. Some people will try to offer advice: accept this if it helps you. Try not to shut out your partner and helpful friends and family.

Say goodbye to your baby
When we move from one phase of our life into another, it is important to acknowledge what was, and is no longer, by saying goodbye. This comes in various forms. Jamie-lee “had been keeping a pregnancy journal, so I wrote a goodbye. My husband read it and signed the book as well. The next day I felt different: a lot calmer.” Lia was able to say goodbye to her baby physically. Lia’s “OB came in to see me and picked her up and put her in my hands. It was really wonderful of him, he kind of knew I needed to do it, I’m glad I did I would have regretted it if I hadn’t.”

Seek answers
It’s important to get answers – especially if you have experienced more than one miscarriage. Roony found it helpful then her “obstetrician sent tissue from the D&C for chromosomal analysis and it was found that there was an abnormality incompatible with life. So I had a reason and also knew that this wouldn’t affect my chances of falling pregnant again.”

Heather did not blame herself for the miscarriage when she found that the cause was likely to be a chromosomal/genetic abnormality.

Support from loved ones
Heather told her family about her pregnancy at five weeks. “This turned out to be a blessing as we had acknowledgment and support from our loved ones, which made it much easier to deal with.” Rebecca found that talking to others who had gone through the same experience helped. Don’t be shy to ask family and friends to help with housework, shopping, or the care of other children.

Seek professional support
Lia was given literature and support from Pastoral Care. “She took the time to not only talk to me, but also my husband who was having a really hard time with it.”

Some women find enormous benefit in talking to counsellors or psychologists about their experiences.

Providing sensitive care: advice for friends, family and care providers
Many people do not realise that miscarriage requires a full period of mourning and grief. It’s important to recognise this period and validate the woman’s experience. When Amanda was told, “It’s meant to be, there was something wrong with it”, and “at least you know you can fall pregnant”, these comments made her really angry. She “just wanted someone to say “you poor bugger, I am here to listen”. Nicole’s advice to family and friends is “Just listen. The best thing you can do is let the person simply talk when they want to, cry when they want to and not try to make them feel better.”

Rebecca’s experiences were upsetting as she recalls, “It may be an everyday occurrence for them, but it is not for us. This is the loss of a life, that we wanted very much, not just yet another person having a miscarriage. I would have loved for the staff to be a bit more caring and understanding towards me. Just because I was young and not married … does not mean the baby was not wanted, or that my partner was going to leave me.”

Sally feels that some kind of recognition is needed: “Nothing was ever said to me about what happened to my child after the D&C. If you lose a baby later in pregnancy, they encourage you to hold it, photograph it, bury it, etc. I think there should be some recognition of that life even if it was so short. It was like the baby had never existed.” This is also important so that parents can say goodbye.

Jamie-lee wanted information about when she could try again for a baby. She found, “the doctors at hospital were very vague. They said to wait a few months, but couldn’t tell me why I should wait. Then they said if you fall pregnant straight away its not a problem!  This confused me.” Consistent advice with good reasoning is really important.

Professionals can provide sensitive care by allowing the woman time to talk, debrief and ask questions. It’s also important to provide choices wherever possible. Roony cautions health professionals: “Don’t use the term ‘abortion’. Even though it’s the medical term for a miscarriage, when people hear it, they think ‘termination’. Explain things and don’t rush to see other patients. Provide a follow-up 4-6 weeks post miscarriage to see how everything is going. Consider investigating possible causes of the miscarriage sooner rather than later.”

Lia said, “There was one nurse who stands out in my memory. She wiped my tears away. She stroked my hair as they sedated me, and she was still there when I woke up to console me. Nothing could have made it easier, but this lady cared.” It’s about compassion.

Heather’s experience was eased when a nurse recognised her loss. “We had a dreadful experience in the hospital, except for one kind male nurse who expressed compassion for both my husband and I. His simple ’sorry for your loss’ permitted me to cry and begin to grieve. A little kindness and compassion goes a very long way.”

Alison recalls, “I saw two different GPs for my pregnancies, and sadly both of them seemed to lack the detailed knowledge of what is normal in early pregnancy. Even when things were clearly not going well, they were just too upbeat and optimistic.” In contrast, “My OB was great – he is a man of few words, but said to me ‘I’m sorry you are going through this’ which made all the difference to me at the time,” Ed.

- There is a link between high blood levels of heavy metals, especially mercury, in women who experience recurrent miscarriage. You might try eating smaller types of fish to reduce your mercury levels.

For further information, contact Melissa Maimann at www.essentialbirthconsulting.com.au